6 Reasons Why You Can't Save Someone
Just because you’re a healer doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to save people or solve all of their problems. Help, contribute, hold space, listen, but trying to save people is a boundary issue. Yes, we can help folks when we have the capacity and capability, but we have to be mindful of when we’re going too far and taking on someone else’s issue as if it is our own because it’s not. And no matter how well we think we know a person, how equipped we may feel to support them, we cannot fully solve another person’s problems.
- Everyone is on their own spiritual journey and path that began long before they incarnated into this body and assumed this personality. The infinite nature of our existence alone means that we will NEVER have enough information in order to save someone. We don’t know what they agreed to experience, their life’s mission, or the ways they want to grow. If people are living unconsciously, they don’t even know this about themselves.
- We don’t control anyone’s thoughts. We don’t know the conversation that they are having inside of their own head. While someone may outwardly express that they want help, don’t want to be suffering, and desire to change, if their inner dialogue is riddled with doubt, insecurity, and shame, then every effort toward improvement is hampered and your assistance is limited in its reach, at best.
- We can’t make people do what we say. I know, shocking, right? Now, this doesn’t mean stop offering your recommendations, insights and advice (more when requested, less unsolicited), but it does mean don’t be attached to them following it. We plant seeds, but we don’t get to control when they germinate. Just like the highway is illuminated by many lights, consider yourself one light of many on someone’s path. It may take them years to understand the significance of what you shared and that’s ok.
- In trying to save people you create a dynamic in which they are dependent on you for their solutions. This is something you absolutely cannot sustain and will fail at because you have your own needs, responsibilities, desires, and growth to tend. Eventually your needs and their needs will overlap in urgency. When you choose them, you fail you. When you choose you, you fail them. We cannot do all things at the same time. This is understanding your own capacity, which isn’t endless.
- You hinder their ability to problem solve in their own life and delay them discovering their inner resourcefulness. When you fall short, disappoint, forget, or are simply exhausted, they will still expect you to come to their rescue as you have always done in the past as opposed to trying to figure it out for themselves.
- When you try to save people, you are seeing them in lack and trying compensate for what you believe are their shortcomings and incapabilities. Just because someone doesn’t have the same strengths as you doesn’t mean they are incapable of being in the driver’s seat in their own lives. This view of people does them more harm than good.
Instead, see everyone as Source sees them, fully capable human beings who are equipped for their lives and able to rise above the challenges they face. Yes, they will need help, but doing something for them from start to finish or rescuing them from every challenge prevents them from developing.
Everyone loves the feelings that accompany personal accomplishment, completing a project, achieving a goal, keeping a promise they made to themselves. These things build self-esteem, pride, inner trust and hope. You know what it’s like to get a win in your life, no one can take that joy away or get credit for what you did. You always have the lessons you learned from that experience and the memories to recall next time you’re facing a new challenge or a change. Personal accomplishment builds inner faith.
You don’t want to rob someone of these experiences and happy emotions. While it may be difficult to not over-intervene and witness them stumble, sometimes fall flat in their faces, know that learning lumps teach and that their problem-solving skills are being activated in those moments.
Life never gives people more than they can figure out how to handle. Every problem has many solutions. You can be a resource of information, an answer to a question, but you cannot be someone else’s solution.
With love,
Selima
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